Dear Women,

I HATE BEING A MAN

The last few years has truly exposed the world to how unfairly different groups are treated within society. The UK particularly, is experiencing a drastic change of understanding surrounding the general attitude we have towards women. Of course, if women are being mistreated then the blame can only really point in one direction, at men and it is completely justified blame. As a man myself… I HATE IT!

Of course, men aren’t completely and utterly to blame, there are cases of women encouraging misogynistic behaviour however it does always stem from the patriarchy we unfortunately live in. The religious roots and the history of our country has instilled a misogynistic agenda which is exposed at every bend. It is founded in our legal and judicial systems and maintained throughout our day to day lives through socialisation.

The recent sentencing of Wayne Couzens has been celebrated across the country, his despicable actions against Sarah Everard have finally been held accountable. The only issue with this however is the fact that it has to be celebrated, it should simply be expected that our judicial system will accurately hold those who harm others accountable, this is not the case. Unless there is huge media attention surrounding a case, the correct punishment is very rarely dished out. I hear stories of teacher paedophiles that get let off with completely unacceptable lengths of prison sentences. 2/3 years is clearly not enough of a punishment for men who have ruined and damaged lives for lifetimes and done the same for the families of those victims. There are so many compartments to untangle when criticising how poor the punishment for sex offenders is.

Especially when so few sexual assaults make their way to conviction, you would expect the fact that there is finally certainty over these crimes where defendants are found guilty beyond reasonable doubt to result in legislators ensuring fair punishment. But, no, the system is fucked. It’s a fact. There was so much discussion over whether Wayne Couzens would receive a full life-time conviction. The only reason he did is because of the outstanding circumstances of him abusing his role as a police officer. This is also the reason the case received so much publicity. This is so sad because media attraction should not dictate how badly punished a person is. Our legal system is clearly floored if this is the case. Our judicial system over the last 30 years has been made more transparent through the separation of legislation and the judicial system but it is clearly still not enough as appropriate punishment is lacking.

I could speak about how fucked up the UK’s political system is every day of the week, but that is not why we are here. We are here because ‘MEN ARE TRASH’. The Sarah Everard case helped me educate myself on the behaviour of men which makes women feel unsafe. I made sure to be more self-aware of any of my behaviour towards women and to ensure I hold any of my male friends accountable. The only issue with the first part is that I have started to second guess any romantic or sexual interaction I have with a women to ensure there is no chance of making them feel uncomfortable. And that is not my fault, but as a man, it is. I spoke to one of my closest friends about this exact issue and they really helped me put into perspective how to come to terms with it. A part of it is my struggle in understanding a women’s signs that they are attracted to me so therefore don’t know when to approach them, I generally find this much easier when I have consumed alcohol, which of course is quite sad but like all of us, our society has fucked with my head. So, I discussed this with my friend and they reassured me that because my intentions are completely innocent, unlike that of those awful men who have intentions that aren’t just founded in their simple attraction to women, my actions won’t be misinterpreted. Of course, there is a chance that they might be, and that possibility mixed with my anxiety is probably why it affects me so much. But over the last few weeks, with life in general, not just interactions with those I’m attracted to, I have learnt to accept things as they are, not as how I would like them to be and that’s okay.

Women are at a disadvantage from the get-go which is why it amazes me that the world we live in seems to attempt to make harder and harder at every turn. This is mainly the result of a heavily male dominated leadership across the world ensuring that our patriarchal society lives on and breathes down every single woman’s neck from the moment they are born. It is actually horrific, and it is shocking that only in the last few years have we really started to openly speak about the poor treatment of women in every aspect of life.

Pink tax absolutely disgusts me and the fact that women have to pay for their own sexual health is honestly abysmal and should be reformed but there simply aren’t enough women in power or men that care. Female items are generally more expensive for instance, women’s razors are more expensive. Businesses take advantage of the fact that women are socialised to look after their appearance more so than men, they then use this to put up prices and brand things such as razors and hair products to target women.

I have recently started carrying female sanitary products around with me because as I said earlier, by nature women are already at a disadvantage so if I can help in anyway, I will. Men don’t bleed from their sexual organs. Men don’t have to experience extreme pain once a month, sometimes for far longer than the average five days. Men don’t have to push a child out of them having carried it in their stomach for nine months. And then to make things so much worse, men decide to assault, harass, rape and act in atrocious ways towards women.

Don’t get me wrong, I am very comfortable in my own skin and identify as a man, that doesn’t stop me from despising the way the gender that I identify with, acts.

A fact that is also often overlooked is the fact that naturally women are physically weaker, this means that a majority of men are a threat. It’s why women are scared to walk home alone at night, any man they walk past could do awful things to them and because enough men do, women are terrified of us. I love women, most of my friends are women and it makes me so unbelievably upset that if you didn’t know me, you would fear me. All I can do to prevent any fear of me is by doing little things here and there to make women feel safe. For instance, I love going for runs and walks late at night and if I see a woman walking by themselves, I will make sure to cross the road or go to the other side of the path. If I see a woman that looks uncomfortable in the presence of a man, I will ask them if they are okay, if they aren’t then I will ask them if they want me to pretend to be their boyfriend. If I’m in a crowd and a man is clearly trying to or is touching a woman in an inappropriate way, then I will swap places with them and try to distance the two.

I make sure to hold men acting inappropriately accountable for their actions and attempt to educate them. A lot of the time it is simply just ignorance, and that conversation will make a positive impact. Sometimes they simply don’t listen and get aggressive and defensive, I try my best but there is so much I can do.

The elephant in the room of course is the pathetic response to my favourite phrase, ‘MEN ARE TRASH’ and that response is that it’s not all men. WE KNOW!!!! I know I’m not one of those men and several aren’t but there are enough to force women to change their behaviour and that is just unacceptable. I could go on forever about how stupid that response is, but the answer is as simple as, it’s enough men.

Toxic masculinity exists in almost environment you encounter, it is something over time I have grown out. I adore wearing dresses and skirts and doing my make-up and doing my nails and looking after my hair and carrying a handbag. It makes me feel like a bad bitch and what those toxic men that make comments about my sexuality or how I dress don’t know is that every time they say something, it fuels me. It reminds me of how comfortable I am in my own skin. By society’s definition I am the least masculine person I know, but by my definition – that being manly is being confident in who you are – I am the manliest man I know.

Almost all women have been sexually assaulted, yes, the statistic is 97% but I don’t know a single woman that hasn’t been touched inappropriately or worse, at some point during their lives. Of course, men do get sexually assaulted, technically I have been sexually assaulted and we should be made more aware of this, but the difference is the fact that every women experiences this. Why can’t men just respect you and why are men so fucking sex driven?

So… if you are a woman. On behalf of ALL men. I am sorry. I am sorry you can’t walk home alone at night. I am sorry that you have been sexually assaulted. I am sorry that you fear us. I love you. Thank you for being patient, I know it’s not a choice but thank you. We will get there.

By Isaac Lewis